Eternally North, by Tillie Cole ✰✰✰✰✰

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Natasha Munro is your typical twenty eight year old girl, well your typical twenty eight year old English loud ‘n’ proud Geordie; curvy, fun and a whole load of fab-u-lous. Her life is all going to plan – good job, great friends, close family and a loving boyfriend – until an unexpected event stands everything on its head.

Nursing a broken heart and decked head-to-toe in tasselled chaps and rhinestones, Natasha and her flamboyant fairy of a gay best friend, Tink, uproot from their North-Eastern nest, throw caution to the wind and embark on a new life together in Canada. Canada – Land of the Rocky Mountains, maple syrup; oh, and an ‘in-between movies’ Hollywood mega-star.

Enter infamous bad-boy of the big screen, Tudor North – Tudor ‘bloody’ North! Tudor is towering, brooding and gorgeous, and he is harbouring a deep secret. His outward demeanour is cold and intimidating, and with it he successfully keeps everyone at arm’s length; that is everyone except a certain Ms. Munro. 
It soon becomes clear; what with her smart mouth and lusciously ample arse, that Natasha proves more than a match for our emotionally-distant mega-star.

Will Natasha settle into her new life in Canada? Will she ever find her fairytale happy ending? Can a movie star and an ordinary girl from England ever really make it work? Or will the secrets lurking in Tudor`s past scupper their chance of happiness?

Eternally North is addictive, funny and heart-warming; a fast paced comedic journey of self-discovery; an unyielding friendship and, of course, it would not be complete without a generous sprinkling of good old-fashioned British ‘slap-and-tickle’.

WARNING: contains a foul-mouthed voluptuous Brit; a self-confessed and self-promoted Friggin’ Fantastic Fairy; and an abundance of tattoo-smothered muscles nicely wrapped up in one gorgeous bad-boy package.

My Casting

4.5 sunshiney, Geordie, ham sandwich stars!

Love Unscripted meets The Unidentified Redhead! That is how I would describe Eternally North.

This is the whistle-stop memoir of how a lower-middle-class girl from the north of England one day changed the way she lived her life and set off on a bumpy path that ultimately led her to her own slice of the happily-ever-after pie.

Yes, it was completely over the top. Yes, it was utter madness. But it was absolutely just what I needed right now.

I seem to have had a bit of a run of deep, dark storylines lately and I really needed something to brighten me up. And this hit the nail on the head!

Nobody ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, ‘I wish I had lived more cautiously’, ‘I’m so happy I never tried something new’ or ‘I’m glad I let the potential love of my life go because I was too scared to take a chance’.

In the first scene, our protagonist, Natasha Munro, finds her live in boyfriend of three years screwing a blonde bimbo on her Italian leather sofa. To make matters worse, as she stomps about the house, packing her things, preparing to leave, does said boyfriend follow her and beg for forgiveness?? Nope. He just leisurely continues pummeling the Barbie doll into the couch, instead. Nice. LOL!

I love reading work by British indie authors, purely because they seem so few and far between. Not to say that I don’t adore my book buddies across the pond, because I do! But obviously, it feels a bit like coming home, reading a very English writing style, dialogue, colloquialisms, etc.

If there’s a sure-fire way to stop the awe of meeting a celeb, it was for them to be a complete and utter twat.

But I really really hope that the sense of humour in Eternally North is one that will be appreciated internationally, because it is bloody hilarious! Crazy, OTT, all out madness!

I love the idea of a normal, curvy, ‘average’ Geordie lass winning the heart of a muscle bound, tatted up, Hollywood movie star! Gives us all a little bit of hope, right?

I know what you’re thinking: surely these two amazing kids were in the popular crowd? But alas, John was as bent as a butcher’s meat hook, and I was as fat as a pig.

For the first part of the book, I did wonder if there was going to be a plot of any real substance. I thought it was a book written purely to give the author the chance to crack a few funnies, but it simply wasn’t! Whilst the beginning of the book made me chuckle, I was utterly hooked by about 30% in!

The developing relationship between Natasha and Tudor was brilliant. Again, totally crazy, but brilliant! A humiliating rollerskate-dancing collision, two gay BFFs, a very embarrassing slut-drop and an over protective queen. It isn’t exactly the traditional beginning to a courtship.

I am addicted. I, Natasha Munro, am a Tudaholic.

Natasha mentions, over and over, that these things just don’t happen to normal, chubby, British girls, and that she can’t believe her luck… which kind of allows you to go along with it all.

As they say in Hollywood, that’s a wrap! And the oscar goes to Tudor North and Tash Munro for an outstanding debut performance in a sex scene!

Tudor bloody North is delicious… as you would expect! He is a body-building, brooding, secretive, ink-covered, bad boy, movie star, with some dark secrets and a squishy, soft centre. And some of the sex scenes are pretty damn hot!

That’s not a six pack, that’s a friggin’ brewery, and this girl’s game for a piss up!

And then towards the end of the book, things start getting more serious. That’s where the gritty drama unfolds and you really get stuck in. For such a comedic novel, there are some very serious issues to be dealt with and one quite traumatic scene. But it’s done well and it works.

I have mention Tink in this review. Tink, the fairy, who’s actual name is John, is Tash’s very gay, BFF roomie and the deliverer of some of the funniest one liners ever! Absolute genius!

“I may not want to see you porking my bestie in a live sex show, but feel free to walk round with that spank-bank-worthy tush-tush out on display… just don’t bend over, ‘cos then you’re fair game!”

So, in total, this was a really funny, refreshing, but surprisingly page turning read! As long as you go into it knowing that it’s completely over-the-top, snort-tea-through-your-nose, grin-like-an-idiot-in-public funny, I think you’ll really enjoy it!! I’m really looking forward to more from this author.

“Tit for tat, Mr. North. Tit. For. Tat,” I scolded.
He looked me up and down and said, “Well, I’ve got the tats so…”

Eternally North Statistics
Steam Rating (out of 5): ♥♥♥♥
Ending: HEA
Series: ✗
Can this be read as a standalone? Yes
Themes:
Comedy
Child abuse
Warning. This book includes…
Child abuse
Writing: Good

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This entry was posted in Eternally North, Five Stars, Funny Reads, Movie Star Romance, Quick Reads, Stand Alones, Steamy Reads, Tillie Cole. Bookmark the permalink.

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