In The Stillness, by Andrea Randall ✰✰✰✰✰

✰✰✰✰✰

Natalie is a wife.
Natalie is a mother.
Natalie is a cutter.

Clawing at walls built by resentment, regret, and guilt, Natalie cuts as an escape from a life she never planned. 

Staying present is only possible when you let go of the past. But, what if the past won’t let go?

My Casting

Wow. Just wow!

 

This book was absolutely outstanding, totally brutal and completely worth the heartache. I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into with this. The blurb doesn’t give much away at all, so I had no idea what to expect, other than a story about self harm.

But this is a story about love, loss, addiction, coping, drowning, dreams, fears and reality.

“I would go through every single second of that again it it meant I still got to feel that kind of love – even for a moment.”

It absolutely ripped me to shreds and made my heart ache for each and every single character. Every character had their flaws. They were real, and raw, and identifiable.

You will need a whole mountain of tissues. This book deals with some seriously heavy issues. War, grief, the harrowing effects of PTSD, self harming and loss, to name just a few.

 

Like I said, brutal. But soooo worth it.

“It only looks like such a mess because it’s not over yet.”

I loved Natalie. I’m not usually a fan of self depreciation, but Natalie was sick and reading from her POV helped get a handle on why she did what she did and how she came to the conclusions she came to. It was fascinating and even, in some way, helped the reader understand the mind of a self harmer.

I keep cutting. For him. For me. For ruining lives.
Apparently, I’m good at that.

And I liked that she totally owned her issues. She knew they were wrong and right from the beginning she knew that she should stop and get help. She also wasn’t completely trapped in her own world that she didn’t care about anybody else. She was still caring, a fantastic mother, a good friend and a strong person in her own right.

“It’s over now, Ryker.”
“That’s the thing, Natalie… it’s never really over.”

In The Stillness is Natalie’s story and Natalie’s story includes two men. Eric and Ryker. Both of these men love or have loved her at one point in their lives and she loves/has loved both of them back. But in totally different ways.

“I love you,” he says as he meets me in the doorway.
“Just because you say it doesn’t make it true, you know.”

My heart broke for Eric, a lot. He had to deal with the issues that Natalie carried from her past and really, he had no idea how to deal. And if my heart broke for Eric, it obliterated for Ryker. Watching him deteriorate, the flash backs, the memories… it’s incredibly painful and intensely thought provoking.

I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop.
But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.
I love you.
With everything.

Now, the love story in this book is about second chances, working through problems, trust, acceptance of one another, battling through guilt and resentment, and overcoming adversity. I’m not going to give any more away than that. Just know that it’s beautiful and humbling.

“…When you love someone, you love them head-to-toe and inside out because… well, because you can’t help it? I love you for a reason, Natalie. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

This isn’t for the faint hearted. It will contain a lot of emotional triggers for some readers and may not be everybodies cup of tea. But if you don’t mind wading through the darkness before reaching the light, which is wonderfully rewarding, I really highly recommend this.

 

I’m going to have the book hangover from hell now and In The Stillness will certainly be a book that sticks with me for a very long time to come.

 

In The Stillness Statistics
Length: 486 pages
Steam Rating (out of 5): ♥
Ending: HEA
Series: ✗
Can this be read as a standalone? Yes
Themes:
War
PTSD
Self harming
Warning. This book includes…
Self harming
Cheating
Drug abuse
Writing: Great

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This entry was posted in Andrea Randall, Angst Overload, Emotional Reads, Five Stars, In The Stillness, Love Triangle, Mental Health, Stand Alones, War. Bookmark the permalink.

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